Monday, September 3, 2012

De-Staticizing

Sometimes I feel very strongly about things & want to give way to stage 4 emotional rapids via the written word. It feels more authentic when I'm full of feeling, full of vim & vigor. But I've learned through experience that this isn't often a wise way to communicate. Negative emotions in particular can take on physical effects. Like static electricity, they can cause a reaction that, while temporary, can spark emotional fires, stand emotional hairs on end & even take on emotional attachments. Negative emotions, when fully charged, can be dangerous, scary & an embarrassment to both the owner & whoever dares draw near.

The problem is, my thoughts don't seem quite as authentic if I let them sit for an hour or a day & then go back & edit. It feels like censorship. It feels like hiding. But that's a misconception. What I'm really doing is engaging in self-discipline. Its a kind of “de-staticizing” that diffuses the potency of my emotions for everyone's “safety”, mine included. But is that authentic? I think it can be, depending on my heart.

When I practice self-discipline, I'm actually taking care of myself as much as I'm watching out for whoever's on the receiving end. Getting things out on paper & then setting them aside is like boiling bad tap water & letting it cool. It was contaminated, but the boiling purifies it. And it has to boil for a while. Since I obviously can't drink it straight from the stove, I have to set it aside & let it cool. Once cooled, I can use it for anything... to drink, to bathe, to cook with. The same goes for those emotions. Time changes perspective & makes strong feelings a little safer, a little more palatable. I'm not here to be poisoned by my negative emotions or to poison other people. Sometimes self-discipline is an act of sheer "grit your teeth" selflessness & that's a really hard act to follow when anger, pain, grief or worry are involved. I want my vindication, I want my voice to be heard. I don't want to mince words. But if I don't let my emotions cool, I'll just end up getting burned in the end & burns leave scars...

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