The day of consecration has come & gone... I had planned to do it on the Feast of the Assumption of Mary (August 15th), but didn't feel quite ready. So I decided to do a review of the last 2 weeks & move the consecration date to the 22nd of August (which is a feast in honour of the queenship of Mary), but after speaking with my priest, I don't feel nearly as compelled as I was in the beginning. He didn't have much to say about the act of consecration to Jesus through Mary, only that there are some things in the Catholic church that are just as kooky as the people who came up with them. Even a few of the best known saints had “problems”, but many of them came up with valid devotional expressions we still use today. I was encouraged to be discerning & not feel compelled to accept everything as gospel just because it bears the name “Catholic”. If it resonates with me, great. If it seems “off”, I don't need to bother with it. His advice put me at ease- though I came this far, I'm not a failure or any less devout if I don't go through with "total consecration".
The author of the book I've been going through seems to make the effort to clarify that Jesus is the One we are actually consecrating ourselves to. But the prayer of consecration leaves me feeling a bit upended with talk of slavery & submission to Mary, giving her full right to “dispose of me & of everything that belongs to me, without exception”, according to her good pleasure... I don't know that I can say I want to be Mary's "true slave", to "seek her honor & to obey her in all things". Maybe I'm not grasping the deeper meaning of “To Jesus through Mary”, but I'm definitely not ready or willing to go through with consecration at this point. My radar says take the good & leave the rest be for now.
I can't deny that in the last month, I've been extremely challenged to look at my life & amend it in light of the examples set by Jesus & Mary. But I really have trouble believing Mary lords her queenship over people or rejoices to have “slaves”. The picture of Mary that St. Louis De Montfort paints is a bit over the top for me at this point.