Today I headed to confession & was taken aback by all the vehicles in the church parking lot. I felt disturbed by this, not sure where I could expect to find all these people (certainly not standing in line for reconciliation!), so I kept going. Usually the lot is empty, save the few cars that belong to the ministers. I was expecting to spend some time alone in a quiet sanctuary, but it wasn't meant to be.
My church sits at the edge of a rural area & one turn off the main road can send you driving for what seems like forever. I took one of those turns & navigated the windy mountain roads for a good 20 minutes past ritzy houses, forest & farmland, only to pop back out where I had begun. I headed for the highway, reminded that confession would be heard at a church across town. I passed by that church & made another large loop through the residential streets. Again, I came out where I had begun. I wasn't lost, just avoiding. Somewhere along the way, I ended up talking myself out of it altogether & decided I would just make an appointment.
As I was driving back toward home alongside a roaring freight train, I thought about my circuitous route that ultimately left me tired & in much the same state I had left in. I won't be able to partake of the Eucharist Sunday, so why bother even going to Mass? I may as well skip it & confess that too. But that's the wrong way to think about confession. I decided to stop by a coffee shop to grab an iced beverage & cool my jets. I sat outside & watched people, called a friend & shot the breeze.
When it comes down to it, I avoided reconciliation because I wanted things my way. But my way cost me the Eucharist. If anything, it'll remind me that seeking my own interests (via sin) & then avoiding God's grace (because its not convenient or comfortable) severs my ability to really be one with Christ... It keeps me going in circles. And that's the whole point of faith, isn't it, to be one with Christ? What's the point of mine?