Friday, August 10, 2012

Bit By Bit

Well, here I am rounding the homestretch with consecration to Jesus through Mary. I've actually been at it for 40 days now, having done the 12 day preparation twice. Week 3 focuses on the knowledge of Jesus in light of what I learned about Mary in the 2nd week & myself in the 1st. You would think after a month of devotional reading, prayer & contemplation, I would be sporting a strong spirit... but I feel weaker than ever. Quite frankly, I feel powerless over my propensity to sin & it pisses me off! How can I possibly consecrate myself to Christ in this state?

As I was writing the gist of these things in my journal, that Still Small Voice responded “You're now in the perfect position to succeed... My strength is made perfect in weakness- not just any weakness, but profound weakness. When you can't do any more, there I Am...”

I've come to the realization that consecration is not a one time event or even a daily one. Its second by second, bit by bit. Each moment is an opportunity for success or failure, no matter how holy or profane one claims to be. As long as I am human, I will be facing this conundrum. The question then becomes not how can I possibly consecrate myself to Christ in this state, but when? And the answer is always. I can always turn to Him as long as I have my faculties.

When I'm in the midst of sin or despair, I've learned to keep praying for help. Even if I'm far from true sorrowful repentance, I still pray. I turn myself over to God even as my flesh drags me backward by the collar. There are some days I resolve not to fall (& actually succeed ) & others where I'm in awe of my blatant failure. Still, every moment is an opportunity for consecration to Christ. I don't have to be holy to turn myself in... I just have to be willing to concede that I am who I am: powerless & in need of a Savior... not just once in my life or even daily, but second by second, bit by bit.

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