How is Catholicism killing me? Well, its begun to change the way I live. I've come to see the utmost importance of attending Mass, of being in the scripture with regularity (via the daily readings), of constructing a more formal prayer life rather than going off all willy-nilly. Strange as it may sound, I've actually begun to think more about my faith in God & how it translates into everyday life (I thought I was doing that already!).
Its come to my attention that if my faith doesn't touch every moment, every action, every thought, word or deed, something is wrong. Something is getting lost in translation. I have thought much about God & called that "faith". But Catholicism seems to reveal a very important language barrier: "Faith without deeds is dead". I'm talking beyond external good works & ministries here. By "deeds" I mean working alongside the Spirit of Christ.
I'm one of those fixer-uppers, the kind people buy to gut & remodel. He's bought me with His blood & aims to make His home in me, but like an old house, I can be feisty. My pipes are rusty, my walls are moldy & my roof is about to cave in. My floorboards creak with every step & my yard is absolutely atrocious. But He wants it all. My "faith" language communicates disbelief & tries to dissuade Him at every turn. "The cost is too high, Lord! There's soooo much work to be done! I'll make due as is... " Here I am, thinking I'm sparing Him some astronomical cost He can't possibly pay when in reality, I'm only trying to save myself.
Catholicism seems to be changing all that- killing the sola-fide in me- that "faith alone" mentality. I'm waking up to the reality of the brokenness that's come from making excuses "by faith", both in my life & the lives of others. What happens when walls come down, tiles get ripped up & bramble gets burned? The language barrier disappears. When I speak faith AND deeds, I begin to understand that the cost is covered, the mess is not mine to bear alone & its suddenly no longer I who live, but Christ Who lives in me.