Thursday, March 29, 2012

The Presence

I went to adoration again yesterday. No sooner had I pulled down the kneeler to pray & I began trembling & crying... I felt very vulnerable for some reason. Maybe it was because I hadn't been to adoration in so long or that my 1st confession was in an hour or that I had been having such doubts about my journey lately. I wasn't sure what to do or what to pray. I felt like a lost little kid. I looked up at the monstrance. All I saw was a wafer. I closed my eyes & told Jesus that I didn't care if I could see Him or not. I wished to squeeze myself into the space beneath the altar & stay there because I just wanted to be where He was. Almost immediately I "heard" in my head "Blessed are you who has not seen & yet believes!". A picture flashed through my mind of Jesus with a big grin on His face. Later on, I realized this image was very close to the Jesus that Bruce Marchiano portrayed in the Gospel of Matthew or that a young artist named Akiane painted. He bent down to my eye level as if I were a child, grabbed my shoulders excitedly & kept saying "Blessed are you! Blessed are you!" He was giddy. Later on, I "heard" that last scripture in Matthew where Jesus says "Behold, I am with you always, even to the end of the age".

I've never had an experience like this in adoration. Who can say that my mind didn't conjure up this image or these scripture verses from memory? I've seen the movie & the painting before. I've read the scriptures. The voice was not ethereal or strangely British... it was my own. Was it just me, or was He there with me? There was something distinctly different about this time in adoration. Its always been "just a wafer" up there in the monstrance... until now.

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