Sunday, February 26, 2012

1st Sunday of Lent

Well, my 1st 5 days of Lent have kind of been a blur. I realized as I was sitting in church today that while laying down fear & doubt is noble, its still not enough. That "sacrifice" isn't really affecting me in every day life. I still cling to it "out there". I can see my attachment in the words that I speak or refrain from speaking... I can see it in the things I avoid & the challenges I choose not to face as a result. My daily life thus far seems to have nothing to do with my sacrifice, but everything to do with my self-preservation. I could beat myself up, demean my efforts (or lack thereof), but what good would that do? The question I should be asking is what good can be done henceforth? Certainly Lent is salvageable...

I was prepared to be content with my "success" to overcome anxiety in Mass (& it was a victory, to be sure), but that's just the tip of the iceberg. Now I need to ask myself: Does my sacrifice touch others? Does it glorify God? Does it cost me something? King David paid a price for a threshing floor so he could bring burnt offerings to God. The owner, Araunah, wanted to give him not only the floor, but the oxen & all the other equipment as a gift. But David replied something to the effect that he couldn't sacrifice to God unless it cost him something. The nation was suffering under plague because of his sin. His purchase & subsequent sacrifice was his repentance in action. Its interesting to note that David's son Solomon built the Temple on this very same site years later.

So... Besides me, who else is affected by my sin? What does MY repentance in action look like? What cost am I willing to incur? And what can God build on the site of my sacrifice years down the road?

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