Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Lets Get Slothy

I'd like to be able to say I'm a patient person, but more often than not, I tend to be a few degrees off the boiling point. I've trained myself to be tolerant & to roll with the punches over the years, but I'm still not great at it. I know how to compartmentalize & downgrade situations from red to yellow... But if I don't ultimately deal with stuff, it comes back to bite me in the end. Literally. It may take hours, days or years, but neglected grievances build up. To release pressure, I either have to blow my top or find a way to let things out gradually. Since the first option never seems to turn out well for me, I've decided to go with the alternative. I've begun practicing slowness.

Some things that tend to exacerbate the feeling of anger in me are being busy, existing among lots of noise & activity & racing around from place to place trying to multitask to the nth degree. Even though things may seem well organized & "flow" at such a fast pace, there is a gradual breakdown happening, much like a machine. Every machine needs maintenance at some point, and most break down for lack of it. So when I find I'm close to or have already reached my breaking point, I can conclude that I was not properly maintaining myself. Maybe I cut a corner, skipped a step, excused something that bothered me in favor of keeping peace... But it all builds up to breakdown.

Practicing slowness looks like this: I don't have to race with the other drivers on the road. I don't have to try & accomplish ridiculous amounts of work every day. All I'm required to do is what's actually required of me. Obey the speed limit. Make my numbers. Finish out the night & go home. In communication, I can tell the truth the first time. That is, I have permission to say what I think & feel without sugar coating or editing. This one is gonna take some more practice, I can tell you that. I'm so used to trying to make situations comfortable for the other guy, trying not to offend... but that plan eventually backfires. I'm not saying I get to be rude if I speak my mind. I get to be honest. And really, that's far better than being a two faced liar. Honesty benefits everyone. Practicing slowness is being aware of what I'm doing, how I'm feeling, remembering what's actually required of me (& doing only that). Its called being mindful, its called maintaining. Its downtime, its sanity, & it feels downright slothy...

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