Sunday, September 11, 2011

Being

I neglected prayer while camping. Aside from reading a few pages of the catechism, I didn't read or think of anything "spiritual". God seemed unnecessary out there in the wilderness. In fact, I seemed to forget my need for Him altogether. I looked for Him in my heart & could not find Him. This bothered me & I had to ask myself why this was- why didn't I feel the urge to pray, to write, to even acknowledge God? And as quickly as I asked, my answer came.

He was all around me in the light, the air, the colours. He was present in the height of the trees & the sap that bled from them. He was there in the sweet smelling manzanitas along the ridge, in the boulders that lined the trail. God was in the enormity & clarity of the deep blue green water. He was in the snow covered mountains standing guard in the distance. He was the life of the birds & animals that caused my heart to swell each time I saw them. They did not live despite me or because of me, they just "were", even as God "is". I realized it was I who had disappeared, not God. He had swallowed me whole & there was no need to say a word. I was consumed. I felt no guilt, I felt no striving. How wonderful it was to not feel need, to not think... to not worry about the content of my day, impressions made, bills looming, people to talk to, things to do or avoid. I was allowed to merely "be", just as He "is", just as the wildlife "was".

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