Monday, January 3, 2011

Flesh & Bone

I've been thinking about Christmas & it's pagan origins recently, wondering why I haven't been able to bring myself to get into a real spirit of the holiday in recent years. I've been thinking more about my changing beliefs... I really want to believe Christianity as its presented today. Its whats been around for generations. Its what is accepted. Its what people know & are comfortable with. Its celebrated around the world & you can celebrate almost anything b/c of it (as long as its supported by scripture of course).

I want to believe like everyone else, but I can't get my mind to conform. I wonder if this is the way I'm wired? Are some naturally predisposed to believe one thing over another despite the mass appeal of the reigning belief system in one's religious culture? My reigning belief system comes from the protestant side... I find myself shying away from it's traditions more & more however... I favor turning to prayer & the bones of scripture & history more & more than sitting in church & listening to the bible being preached... Why do I find different things when I go a-hunting for myself? Whats missing from my own faith that I can't find among the masses? Am I wrong- one voice out of millions? Or am I one of the few who are waking, coming alive?

1 comment:

  1. God grew tired of the Israelites "going through the motions". He grew tired of the show of sacrifice without the heartfelt repentance. He grew tired of the ritual of the holy festivals without the heart of love for God and for his law. When I think about the pagen roots to the days that we choose to focus on the birth and resurrection of Christ I think about those Israelites. They were following the rules. Celebrating the festivals that He had commanded, following the rules of the sacrifice that He had commanded at the specific times He had commanded. But to God it was all meaningless because they had no heart in it. They had no desire to ACTUALLY follow Him with their hearts. This was of course what He wanted the most. He wanted them to WANT to obey Him.
    I focus my worship on the birth of Christ with my whole heart at Christmas. I focus my worship on the resurrection of my Savior with my whole heart on Easter. What is in my heart is pure. I beleive that is what my Father sees. I beleive that is what is important.

    I spent many years not stepping foot in a church. I worshipped him at home, in the car, laying flat on my face on my living room floor. I learned more about Him by reading His word, listening to pastors on the radio. But I never really, really grew in my faith until I belonged to a body of beleivers. I beleive that is because the biggest thing missing when you isolate yourself in your beleif is the great command. Go and spread the word... I didn't do much of that on my own. I wasn't challenged to stretch outside of what was comfortable to me until I stepped foot in a church. If I had never took that really, really uncomfortable step to reach out to those that I know don't know my Savior I would have lost out on the priviledge of watching Him work in someones life. Watching Him smooth the edges, change the facial features, remove the hopelessness and fill them with hope. That to me is the fellowship. That is why it is so important that I wake up and have a place to go on Sunday. I have a job there. I can't sit comfy in my pew. I need to be looking around the room for those eyes that have no hope. Then I need to pry my comfortable self up out of my seat and strike up a conversation with them. Some Sundays. More than I care to admit I fail at that job. Sometimes I go there and need to be filled. I need someone to pray for me and I need someone to lean on. But when He gives me strength I step outside of myself and I share time with someone I don't know. I think this is one of the greatest things, in this day and age, a person can do. Pour yourself into anothers life. Even if it looks messy and you want to run. God has taught me so much when I trusted Him to do this.