I've been thinking about Christmas & it's pagan origins recently, wondering why I haven't been able to bring myself to get into a real spirit of the holiday in recent years. I've been thinking more about my changing beliefs... I really want to believe Christianity as its presented today. Its whats been around for generations. Its what is accepted. Its what people know & are comfortable with. Its celebrated around the world & you can celebrate almost anything b/c of it (as long as its supported by scripture of course).
I want to believe like everyone else, but I can't get my mind to conform. I wonder if this is the way I'm wired? Are some naturally predisposed to believe one thing over another despite the mass appeal of the reigning belief system in one's religious culture? My reigning belief system comes from the protestant side... I find myself shying away from it's traditions more & more however... I favor turning to prayer & the bones of scripture & history more & more than sitting in church & listening to the bible being preached... Why do I find different things when I go a-hunting for myself? Whats missing from my own faith that I can't find among the masses? Am I wrong- one voice out of millions? Or am I one of the few who are waking, coming alive?