Monday, August 30, 2010

The Jungle

I know I should be happy- I have a stable job... I'm in good health. I'm not in danger of losing the roof over my head or going hungry or even not being able to pay a bill. Yet for one who lives mostly inside their head, the challenge is not in living out the external things of life, but the internal.

The internal life is something of a jungle- there are wild beasties about. Snakes can be particularly dangerous. They're silent, feigning kindness & will squeeze ever so slightly to comfort you. I've run into many snakes who have told me I can't go any further- I may as well stay where I'm at & relax. They threaten to strangle in my cozy slumber, but I've always managed to escape. Then there are the giant gorillas who bully their way through the brush & try to intimidate me. They say there's no place for me here & I may as well turn around. They beat their chests & scream. I pass by shaken, yet unharmed. There are tigers hiding in the brush, stalking me... following my every move, waiting for the right moment to take their prey. And then there's those little things that can go unnoticed until its too late- spiders, insects & poisonous plants- all threatening to bite, infect & kill.

One must take great care to survive the internal life. The danger comes in many forms. Each form has a voice & each voice is linked to the past. Each time I choose not to listen to the tangle of the jungle, each time I cut one of those things down, I move forward. And what's my goal? My goal is to leave the internal jungle behind & reach a higher place. It overlooks my path from start to finish. This is a safe place, a place where the jungle voices have become but incomprehensible whispers. This is a place where I am free to walk without deadly obstacles, free to dream without fear of being strangled in my sleep... This is a place where I am free to sing & shout- there are no stalkers here.

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Not Today

she dug her knees into the couch-
propped her head up with her hands.
she was watching out the window
three blocks down.

a church full of people had opened its doors-
they used to throw rice in those days.
cars parked on the street began to pull out,
honking their horns up the hill.

3 sets of lights turned red. 3 sets of lights turned green.
& the bells of the steeple rang out the hours...

she was watching for his shadow to wash over the sidewalk.
she was watching for the signs of his tell-tale gait.
maybe he would think to get a ride from his girlfriend...
she was always hoping that he was on his way.

down the road another church had opened up its doors-
they used to wear black in those days.
cars parked on the street turned on their headlights
& made their way on down to the graveyard.

3 sets of lights turned red. 3 sets of lights turned green.
& the bells of the steeple rang out the hours
when she heard the telephone ring...

not today my dear, not today.
maybe tomorrow (not likely), but not today...